Musician cancels “mental health awareness” tour for “mental health reasons”. No one is surprised.

That’s my last six months, summed up into one onion-esque headline. In March, I began planning a western Canadian tour to raise funds and awareness for the BC Mood Disorder Association’s campaign “Stomp The Stigma”. As some of you may know (because I tweet about it relentlessly), I have been diagnosed with a slew of mental health disorders. This summer I wanted to STOMP that evil mental illness stigma, and I also secretly wanted prove that everyone was wrong about me. When I say everyone, I mean all the concerned friends and family members (not to mention doctors) who said,

“Sarah, do you really think you are mentally stable enough to do this?”

Here’s the thing…

I wasn’t.

I hate, hate, hate to admit it, but it’s the truth. In January, I was in the ER, out of my mind. If it had been a life threatening flu, I would have put my plans on hold until I felt better. No one would have questioned it. I mean, I had a cold last week and I spent five days watching Bob’s Burgers and eating oranges. But I guess there is still some part of me that buys in to the mental illness stigma and thinks I’m just being weak. I just need to try harder.

I kept showing up for school, work, shows and rehearsal, all while my mind and body were trying to adjust to the new meds. I was releasing an EP while going through medication trial and error: these pills made my liver fail, those pills made me sleep 18 hours a day. I visited the ER again, and was back at school two days later. My brain was so addled that I actually got lost walking from Main St. to Cambie St., yet I decided it was the PERFECT time to plan a tour across Canada’s prairies provinces. I don’t have to tell you that this did NOT go well. Here we are, halfway through august… I have cancelled every single one of my tour dates, I’ve cancelled all band rehearsals until further notice, and we gave up the rehearsal space. I fell apart.

People with bipolar can lead normal-ish lives. Emphasis on the ish. I’ve seen it, I’ve read about it, and I plan to be one of those people. But for the past half a year, I have been really sick. I’ve got a doctors note and everything. Sure, my symptoms are more psychological than physical,  but they still made it impossible for me to tour this summer. Maybe if I admit this and start treating myself like a person in recovery, I can hit the road next year and play the wonderful venues that Canada has to offer. I sincerely apologize to everyone I let down this year, and I am so excited play music with you or for you in the near future. This mental and emotional turmoil has given me even more creative motivation, so please stay tuned for new songs, videos, hairstyles, awkward tweets, etc.

Love Sarah

P.S.

The band is on hold for a while. I will be playing brand new songs, solo, at Fringe Festival in September and at the Biltmore this Saturday.

Posted: August 21st, 2014 | Author: